It has been far too long... Since I was last able to blog!

Hello friends!
Unfortunately the end of 2012 and beginning of 2013 has not been too kind to us, many family members have had health issues and we laid my grandfather to rest just recently. Now that most of the hard times seem to have come to an end we are ready to focus on positives. I have come to find that sometimes the negatives in life are so large and overwhelming that we don't see all the positives that surround us.
Through out the past few weeks I have found it true, "Ask and you shall receive, knock and the door shall be opened to you."
I have found myself asking those whom care for my husband and I to pray for us through the hard times. I have to tell you- that when you feel most surrounded by negative things you have never been more surrounded by loving, caring people. These people are there always- whether you see them through tears or during smiles is up to you.
Thank you to those out there who have kept us in your prayers- through good and bad, better or worse- we love you and are truly blessed to have you cheering us on.

*Please- keep cheering for us- we will win this race, it just may be longer than we imagined- but all that means is it will be worth that much more to us. All of it, every sad tear can be followed by two of happiness- and I look forward to when that happens.

Through the past couple of weeks I have learned that my blogging is needed, not just for myself- but truly for others.
I may not have been writing here, but I was writing back to individuals who had emailed and messaged, texted and called out for advice and help.
I didn't realize that so many out there were listening to my words and our story. I'm sorry I wasn't blogging but so thankful you felt compelled that you could facebook, or email. No one should feel like they are going through this journey alone. NO ONE should feel ashamed of this journey. We've been taught when we need help to ask for it- ASK!
Bottling up everything is not good for anyone, and in the world of infertility- stress is not good at all, let it out- it is good for you.

Yesterday was another day, another chapter beginning in our journey- hopefully one that will bring our journey to a magical ending.
2:15- another ultrasound to check out my reoccurring follicle/cyst, no positive changes although physically- much more pain the past few days, including some sudden cramping that has almost knocked me physically off my feet. With this test completed it was time to wait for the doctor and my 2:30 appointment. I was very scared for this appointment. I can say that through this process you meet with the doctor every so months to verbally hear evaluation of where you're at. You go to these appointments knowing what you're about to hear, but it doesn't make it much easier. Each new chapter is equally scary as it is promising.

This appointment was confirming that letrozole alone, no matter how high the dosage, was not effectively helping me. I still haven't been able to ovulate, this was information I already knew. I also already knew the next step0 should we choose to take it, would be to use medication in pill form as well as to begin injections. In the past the plan was that once I had gotten to a level of follicle development I would administer an ovidrel shot to help me ovulate. I hadn't yet had this opportunity because my follicles have not yet played nice!

Due to the amount of injections and timing and the entire process of utilizing the Gonadotropins (the injections we will be using) Bryan and I will both undergo a consultation and training to comprehend the process and proper protocol for the use of these injections (Monday). I am so very happy he can be there with me for this, much of the doctor visits have been me without him, due to work. The Gonadotropins raise the "risk" of multiple births by 20%, there are several items that can be life changing while using this type of treatment- we are praying for the good ones- babies!

Before the injection process begins by husband and I will both be retested Saturday. He has not been seen since May- the doctor feels it important to know how his situation is now. I will be having what seems like a complete blood panel completed again, testing my hormone levels, by thyroid activity and such to make sure there are no new interferences that could have prevented medication alone from working.

At several of my meetings with nurses, I have been informed that the injections tend to make you very sick, they take a huge toll on your body and can generally be very scary. After reading through my leaflets and forms I've been provided I decided I needed to inform my employers.
I may have no issues with the medications- or I may not be able to do my job. I wanted to air on the side of caution and have let my employers/coworkers know. I am blessed that we are surrounded by such supportive people. In addition to being sick the injections can cause Ovarian Hyper-stimulation Syndrome- this would result in enlargement of the ovaries- which usually resolves spontaneously. There are the severe cases, where fluid accumulates due to this syndrome and can fill the abdominal cavity and chest- this requires hospitalization to help relieve the pain and also to manage any life-threatening complications that the fluid can cause. I am praying already that NONE of this happens! I will say- to anyone who is presented with any fertility helping options- think hard, stick to your guns, and converse with your partner. Don't rush into anything- YOU have to make decisions on your own. Doctors will guide you to what they think is the next best step for you. My doctor did inform me that since this syndrome can develop they monitor their patients more and that they administer more check ups to ensure your health. She said in the past 5 years she has only had one person who has had to be hospitalized due to this. The doctor and I agreed, we hope to not change that! We were also introduced to the costs and ideas of possibly adding on Intrauterine Insemination to our journey, total cost each time being roughly $475. I was informed that should the doctor feel this be a step we need to take she will let us know, however we also have a choice to undergo this process at any time my body is able through the next leg of our journey. We have not personally decided if we will attempt insemination at this point in time or not. Much to think about. Our doctor also brought up IVF, but said that she was merely informing me on the items, and didn't see us needed to take that step at this point in time. We have chosen however to start putting $5 a week away towards this possibility- I am hoping we will not have to go this route and will just end up with some happy funds to use elsewhere. Our journey so far has proven to be an expensive one and it is important for our stress levels and our sanity that we take things one step at a time. That is my encouragement for those out there-

.one step at a time.

This is proving to be an enormous blog post- but I feel the rest is much needed...
2013 is the year of babies! We have welcomed our sweet little nephew to our family, one day babysitting and I can already say- there is no love like the love you can have for a child, even if that child is not your own. I'm so thankful to get to be an aunt! Little Dude is just a reminder of all the blessings this journey could end with, and that in itself is an amazing and much needed blessing.

2013 really is the year of the baby, congratulations to all those in our lives who have announced their pregnancies, congratulations to those who have successfully undergone treatment and conceived, congratulations also to my very dear friends who received the call that they had been chosen by a family and their sweet little son had been born and was ready to meet his parents! How amazing to have parenthood blossoming around us!
With prayer, one way or another, God provides the blessing of children.

Very happy for you all, and very thankful for those who choose to be courteous of our emotions and feelings- it is true still that every happiness we feel for others is still a reminder of where we are in our journey. Thankful to be feeling optimistic and happy this evening.
Goodnight, and I promise to write soon!
If you have questions or topics you'd like discussed please feel free to share.